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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26368993">a party game for horrible people</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/flerkenkiddingme/pseuds/flerkenkiddingme'>flerkenkiddingme</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cards Against Humanity, Gen, the gaang being weird friends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:07:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26368993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/flerkenkiddingme/pseuds/flerkenkiddingme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On a reunion night at an Earth Kingdom hotel, Suki gets the brilliant idea to introduce her friends to her favorite fucked up game.</p>
<p>And oh, how wondrous it is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a party game for horrible people</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good to see you guys! And just in time for double chocolate chip cookies!" Katara paraded into the group's deluxe hotel room holding a few paper plates and a plastic container of said cookies. </p>
<p>"Where'd you find the time to make those?" Suki asked, grabbing two off the top of the pile.</p>
<p>"We snuck into the kitchen downstairs," Toph replied. "It was empty so we won't get in trouble. At least I think we won't."</p>
<p>"Please tell me you cleaned up whatever mess you made down there," Zuko said from the farthest bed.</p>
<p>"Absolutely," Katara reassured him. "Although someone kept eating our batter before it was ready." She turned a glare toward Aang.</p>
<p>"I used to do that all the time back in the Air Temple. The monks' chefs didn't mind."</p>
<p>"Is this true, or are you guilt tripping me?"</p>
<p>Aang turned away and laughed. "Okay fine, you caught me."</p>
<p>"Seriously though, what should we do tonight?" Sokka wondered out loud. "Are there any good movies playing?"</p>
<p>"I'm not in a mood to leave right now, let's stay in tonight." said Toph, stuffing the last of her cookie into her mouth.</p>
<p>"That works for me," Aang shrugged. "Anyone know some fun games?"</p>
<p>Suki suddenly sat up. "Ooh, there's this game I used to play with the other Kyoshi Warriors called Cards Against Humanity. Man, it would always get so wild! But fair warning, it's super dark and inappropriate, so I hope you can handle it."</p>
<p>"Of course we can handle it," Sokka said. "We know what we're about. And Aang and Toph are fifteen now, so I think it's safe to say they're old enough for this."</p>
<p>"How inappropriate are we talking here?" Katara asked.</p>
<p>Suki tried to stop herself from smirking. "Enough to scandalize Zuko's uncle, but not enough to scandalize your father."</p>
<p>Zuko headed over to take another cookie. "Uncle gets scandalized when someone runs with a mug of tea, so that really doesn't sound so bad."</p>
<p>"Let's find out, shall we?" Suki reached into her backpack and produced a black and white box. She opened it and began to dole out cards. When she got to Toph, she froze. "Wait, how are we going to play if Toph can't read the cards?"</p>
<p>"Aww, now I'll never get to see the weird inappropriate stuff!" Toph sat back and folded her arms.</p>
<p>"Hang on, there's a way we can make this work." Sokka slipped Toph's cards back in the pile. "We can read them all out loud, and then she decides the winner. Then everyone gets a fair shot free from bias. Well, as free from bias as Toph can be."</p>
<p>"Hey, that's pretty smart," Toph moved closer to the circle of friends. "The almighty Melon Lord will decide your fate." She struck an intimidating pose.</p>
<p>“Okay, Melon Lord, let’s start the party with this one,” Suki flipped the first black card. “What never fails to liven up the party?”</p>
<p>Everyone looked at their cards. Sokka immediately cracked up, Katara made a disgusted noise, Zuko whispered “What the fuck?” and Aang simply looked confused. “What’s lactation?” he asked out loud. Suki explained it, then told him, “It’s best if you don’t read your cards out loud, so then Toph won’t be able to tell whose cards are whose. That way she picks whichever is the funniest.”</p>
<p>“Okay, gotcha.” Aang nodded and placed his card in the pile. Sokka and Zuko followed suit, and Katara put hers in last. “This doesn’t make sense, so sorry,”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to perfectly fit, if you think it’s funny enough to win, then it works.” said Suki, picking up the first white card. “What never fails to liven up the party? Edible underpants.”</p>
<p>The group chuckled a little. “That’s not bad,” said Toph. “That’s a good start.”</p>
<p>Suki held up the next one and burst out giggling. “Doin’ it in the butt.” she wheezed. Everyone laughed harder. </p>
<p>“Now that’s a party,” Sokka quipped. Suki shook her head and grinned. "Why is my boyfriend like this?"</p>
<p>“Now, what else have we got?” She picked up the next one. “Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers!”</p>
<p>“Those are so good,” Aang piped up. “They’ll make any party better.”</p>
<p>“True, true.” Toph shrugged.</p>
<p>“And finally,” Suki looked at the last white card. “Total fucking chaos.”</p>
<p>“No party is complete without that,” Toph said. “I’m picking that one, actually. Good job, whoever you are.”</p>
<p>“Oh hey, that was mine!” Zuko looked pleasantly surprised. “I thought it was awful.”</p>
<p>“You forget who you’re dealing with. I’m the queen of total fucking chaos.” Toph punched him in the shoulder. </p>
<p>“Ah, makes sense. Also, ouch.”</p>
<p>“So Zuko won this round, which means that he gets to read the next round of cards,” Suki explained. </p>
<p>“Damn, how did I lose with ‘doin’ it in the butt?’” Sokka complained.</p>
<p>“I can think of a few ways,” Toph said, shaking with concealed laughter.</p>
<p>“Okay, ew, seriously?” Katara reprimanded, though she too was fighting back laughter. </p>
<p>“Alright, let’s start this new round. Zuko, take that black card on top,” said Suki. Zuko obliged and read, “How am I maintaining my relationship status?”</p>
<p>“It’s a real mystery, honestly,” Sokka snarked, reaching for a third cookie. Zuko smacked him with his paper plate, making him yelp in surprise. Suki looked through her cards, trying to decide between “a defective condom” and “concealing a boner.” Finally she made her choice and put her card in front of Zuko. She was the last one to decide, so Zuko reread the black card and then picked up Suki’s card first. </p>
<p>“A defective condom.”</p>
<p>From the giggles that erupted from the group, Suki figured her decision was a smart one.</p>
<p>“I assume that would ruin a relationship rather than help you maintain it,” Toph said once she could breathe again.</p>
<p>“My thoughts exactly,” chuckled Zuko, taking another card. “Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.”</p>
<p>“So that’s the real story with the bald ponytail look,” Katara remarked.</p>
<p>“If that were true, how did this happen?” Toph ruffled Zuko’s full head of hair.</p>
<p>“He got his honor back,” Sokka said, struggling to keep a straight face. No one in the room was able to and all lost it.</p>
<p>Zuko buried his head in his hands. “I’m never going to catch a break for that, am I?”</p>
<p>“Never in your lifetime,” said Toph. “What’s the next one?”</p>
<p>“Being rich,” Zuko read.</p>
<p>“That could actually be true, holy shit.” said Katara. That girl was bad at hiding her reactions to people reading her cards. If Toph could see the look on Katara’s face when ‘edible underpants’ was read, she’d immediately know whose it was.</p>
<p>Apparently she could tell anyway. “That was actually pretty funny, sugar queen.”</p>
<p>“Why do you think that was mine?” Katara sat up straighter.</p>
<p>“Because I can feel your heartbeat increase through this floor. Now finish it off, Sparky.”</p>
<p>Zuko picked up the last card. “Walking into a glass door.”</p>
<p>“I’ve done that plenty of times, so why am I still single?” Toph cried.</p>
<p>“I’ve done that too, and strangely enough I still have a girlfriend.” Aang touched Katara’s hand with his own. She took his hand and said, “You’re a clumsy dork, but you’re my clumsy dork.”</p>
<p>Sokka made a gagging noise. “Cool it, lovebirds. Toph, who won?”</p>
<p>“I’d have to say laser hair removal accidents.” She held up said card.</p>
<p>“Yes! I had that one!” Sokka pumped his fist in the air. Zuko passed the black card to him and Suki drew him a new one.</p>
<p>“You’ve won this round, Sokka, so you take this card and start the new round.”</p>
<p>Sokka spoke in an accent. “I’m Miss Republic City, and if I could make the world a better place by changing one thing, I would get rid of…”</p>
<p>Suki searched through her cards and then she saw it. A surefire winner, right there in her hand. She slammed it down with such speed and force that everyone else jumped.</p>
<p>“This is totally going to win! This is going to be perfect! I swear, if you have any taste at all-”</p>
<p>“Calm down, Princess Ninja. I’ll be the judge of that.” piped up Toph.</p>
<p>Aang and Katara played their cards, then finally Zuko put his in the pile.</p>
<p>“You sounded awfully confident, Suki, but does yours actually fit?” he teased.</p>
<p>“Not only does it fit, but it’s guaranteed hilarious.” Suki retorted.</p>
<p>“Alright, quit the trash talk, let’s see what Miss Republic City wants to get rid of,” Sokka picked up the first card. “If I could make the world a better place, I would get rid of… a bitch slap.”</p>
<p>A small chuckle went through the group.</p>
<p>“I would get rid of… the inevitable heat death of the universe!”</p>
<p>“Sure would be interesting,” mused Toph. “I wonder if benders can bend in space…”</p>
<p>“That’s a terrifying thought actually,” Aang said, turning to stare out the window. “Would earthbenders be able to bend, like, asteroids? And firebenders could bend freaking stars?”</p>
<p>“Maybe airbenders could bend gas planets?” supplied Katara. “And--is there any water on other planets?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure, but there is ice.” Sokka nodded, considering this. It was an interesting theory, but Suki really wanted to win quickly.</p>
<p>“Could we discuss this later, you know, when we’re not in the middle of a game?”</p>
<p>“Okay, moving on: If I could change the world I would get rid of… child beauty pageants.”</p>
<p>Toph cracked up. “Imagine if that Miss Republic City thing was a child beauty pageant though.”</p>
<p>The others started laughing too. “She’s like, ‘If I win, no one else is doing this ever again!’” Aang hooted.</p>
<p>“You’ve had your fun, now we’re shutting down forever,” Zuko pretended to yell. If that was his, that was actually funny, Suki thought. Not good enough, however.</p>
<p>“And finally, I would get rid of--” Sokka broke down laughing at the last card.</p>
<p>“What’s it say?” Toph prompted.</p>
<p>Sokka tried to catch his breath. “My ge-” He cut himself off with a high-pitched wheeze and just held it up for the others to see. Once they saw it, they lost it too.</p>
<p>“Still waiting!” Toph tapped her foot impatiently.</p>
<p>Sokka finally managed to eke out, “My genitals,” in the same high wheezy voice.</p>
<p>“Oh my La,” Toph started laughing as hard as the others. “There’s our winner.”</p>
<p>“Thank you very much!” Suki singsonged, plucking the black card from Sokka. “Though, child beauty pageants was pretty hilarious in the context, so I’ll grant you some glory as well, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Thank you?” </p>
<p>“Anywho, here we go. This one you need to put in two cards each. Blank: the story of blank.”</p>
<p>Once everyone had put in their cards, Suki took the first pair and started to read. “Hot people: The Story of an erection that lasts longer than four hours.”</p>
<p>“Starting off with a bang here, I see,” said Toph.</p>
<p>“Possibly literally,” remarked Sokka, prompting a few giggles.</p>
<p>“Now we’ve got The Devil Himself: The Story of filling a man’s anus with concrete.”</p>
<p>“That would be awful. How would he poop?” asked Aang.</p>
<p>“Eh he could just find an earthbender to pop it out,” Toph replied. “Though I’m worried it would be me specifically because I wouldn’t see where it came from.”</p>
<p>“Why are we going into such detail about this?” Zuko complained. “The mental image is scarring enough.”</p>
<p>“That’s why he’d want a blind bender,” Toph smirked.</p>
<p>“Anyway, All you can eat shrimp for $4.99: The Story of generally having no idea what’s going on.”</p>
<p>This prompted a small reaction. Suki continued. “A whole lotta woman: The Story of being on fire.”</p>
<p>“Aka Zuko’s sister,” Sokka muttered. </p>
<p>Zuko immediately covered his ears. “Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, please never say that again. Seriously, ew!”</p>
<p>“I just realized what that meant, and I regret everything.” Sokka faked throwing up. “I do not want to think about that anymore.”</p>
<p>Toph was trying not to burst. “Honestly this is tough because on one hand, the concrete anus guy had a big story, but on the other hand, the last one made Sokka accidentally say Azula was a whole lotta woman, and I really want to kinkshame him for that.”</p>
<p>“It was a mistake! It wasn’t true!” Sokka shouted.</p>
<p>“You know what, I want to immortalize that moment, so a whole lotta woman wins.”</p>
<p>“Ooh, that was me!” Katara took the black card. “I love that I won because we’re making fun of Sokka.”</p>
<p>“THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY!”</p>
<p>“Sure, whatever you say. Now here we go: What don’t you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?”</p>
<p>“Damn, none of my cards are good.” Suki flipped through her cards, and finally just played a random one. The rest of the group had played theirs, so Katara reread the black card and took them one by one. “Nipple blades” produced a moderate reaction, “racism” and “centaurs” produced a mild one, then when she got to the last one, she stopped short. </p>
<p>“Do I have to read this out loud?”</p>
<p>“If you want me to judge it, then yes,” said Toph.</p>
<p>“Oh, spirits, fine. Foreskin.”</p>
<p>The room erupted. “Aww, gross!” “In my chicken?” “I’m never eating kung pao again.” </p>
<p>“That was a fucking curveball right there. That wins.” hooted Toph.</p>
<p>“Finally, my first point!” Aang cheered.</p>
<p>“That was yours?” Suki was incredulous.</p>
<p>“I don’t actually know what that is, honestly, but based on your reactions, it’s pretty bad to find in food, I assume.”</p>
<p>Zuko leaned closer to Aang and whispered what it meant. By the way the kid’s eyes widened, he was traumatized at the thought of finding such a thing in his dinner.</p>
<p>“Alrighty then, let’s get you a new card,” Suki slid Aang a new black card. He took it and read, “I have a strict policy. First date, dinner. Second date, kiss, Third date, this.”</p>
<p>Everyone put their cards in fairly quick. Aang grabbed the top card. “First date, dinner, second date, kiss, third date, alcoholism.”</p>
<p>“Fourth date, now we’re taking hard drugs,” Suki remarked. “Just getting trashed on everything.”</p>
<p>“Alright, first date, dinner, second date, kiss, third date… getting really high!”</p>
<p>“So Suki’s idea of a fourth date is now the third date.” Katara snorted.</p>
<p>“Sokka has got it good with you,” said Toph, elbowing Sokka.</p>
<p>“Nah, that cactus juice was enough to put me off anything else. Not entirely sure if she feels the same, though.”</p>
<p>“I’ll never tell,” Suki snapped him a wink. Aang picked up another white card.</p>
<p>“Okay, first date, dinner, second date, kiss, third date, a disappointing birthday party.”</p>
<p>“Not a fan of the third date,” Zuko muttered. Suki figured the years when he was banished did not provide for the best of birthdays on his end. Nor did the ones where he was still home. She worried about him sometimes, but with his new friends, he seemed a little more at ease. This game seemed to bring him out of his shell and show he really could be funny and weird around the others. That was why she loved Cards.</p>
<p>“Finally, first date, second date, blah blah blah, third date…” Aang knit his brows. “Whatever you wish, mother?”</p>
<p>That caused a riot. “Plot twist of the century! Son of a bitch, that’s the one, right there!” Toph was practically screaming.</p>
<p>“Hell yeah!” Suki reached out and snatched up the black card. The others gawked at her.<br/>“I need to hang out with the Kyoshi Warriors more,” said Toph, handing her the other white cards as well. Suki added them to the used pile and picked up another black card. “What’s hot, smelly, and about to die?”</p>
<p>Everyone put in a card, and Suki grabbed the top one. “A big hot fire that’s burning everybody.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, not wrong there.” Toph piped up.</p>
<p>Suki cracked up at the next one. “The boy who sucks the farts out of my sweatpants.”</p>
<p>“If you walked in on someone doing that, he would be all three at once,” Sokka pointed out.</p>
<p>“We don’t know if he would be hot, but smelly, yes, and if you saw him, also about to die.” Katara was struggling to breathe normally.</p>
<p>“Still, really close.”</p>
<p>“Okay, guys, stop. What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? A family of raccoons.”</p>
<p>“Are they going to fuck the raccoons, what the hell?” Toph burst out giggling.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to know. What’s hot, smelly, and about to die? The incredible Gary,” Suki finished the card dramatically. “He’ll suck your nipples!”</p>
<p>That got everybody dying. “I’m good, Gary, but thank you,” Katara guffawed. Toph wiped the tears from her eyes. “It’s between fart boy and incredible Gary, but I can’t pick which is funnier.”</p>
<p>“Well, here’s what we do,” Suki took the two cards, moved them around behind her back, and set them down in front of Toph. “Point at one randomly and that will be our winner.”</p>
<p>Toph touched the card farther from Suki and passed it to her. “Incredible Gary wins!”</p>
<p>“Woohoo!” Sokka seized the black card and took another. “Here’s a little something I learned in business school. The customer is always… what?”</p>
<p>Aang put his card down worryingly quickly. Katara and Suki followed, while Zuko stared at two of his cards, debating which to play. He held one toward the pile, but then looked back down at the other one and drew his hand back again.</p>
<p>“I don’t mean to be that guy, but we don’t have all night.” Toph slapped the pile. “Whoever hasn’t played, make up your mind.”</p>
<p>“Alright, fine, fine.” Zuko added the card he had almost picked earlier.</p>
<p>“So we’re all good now?” Sokka asked. “Four cards, we’re good. Now, here’s a little something I learned in business school. The customer is always… doing stuff bad.”</p>
<p>“As someone who actually worked customer service, that is right on the money,” declared Zuko. </p>
<p>“The customer is always… maybe getting a little involved with selling heroin sometimes.” Sokka read the next one, causing a ripple of laughter.</p>
<p>“Anyone at the Jasmine dragon ever done that?” asked Toph.</p>
<p>“I mean… once there was this dude who came in, clearly high as an eagle snake, and just, like, grabbed a bunch of straws and put them in his nose? I still have no idea what that was about but there is no way heroin wasn’t involved there.”</p>
<p>“I live for your weird customer stories,” Sokka chuckled and took another card. “The customer is always… preparing my asshole for sex?!”</p>
<p>“Oh spirits, imagine you’re on your way to work and there’s a guy on a table with his bare ass out, oh man.” Toph practically screamed with laughter.</p>
<p>“But he’s preparing your asshole, not his asshole,” Aang corrected.</p>
<p>“That’s even worse, thanks,” </p>
<p>“Finally, the customer is always… a bear.”</p>
<p>“What kind of bear?” Katara asked.</p>
<p>“Just a bear, I guess. Like Bosco.” Sokka shrugged.</p>
<p>“A bear-bear? Damn, that’s so weird.”</p>
<p>“I think heroin wins,” Toph announced. Katara pumped her fist and took the card.</p>
<p>“Whoa, that was you?” Sokka looked incredulous.</p>
<p>“Uh-huh. It’s pretty easy to cater to Toph’s humor.” She took the next card. “Times have changed, girlfriend. If you want to meet people in Ba Sing Se, you gotta be down with…”</p>
<p>Round after round came and went, and some cards took everybody out. Suki’s favorite was probably “Bees?” which Aang had played and won with. It was 11:22 when the game stopped, and the winner was Suki. </p>
<p>“All hail the new Cards queen!” Toph draped a blanket on Suki’s shoulders. Suki gave a bow while the others clapped. </p>
<p>“I’m absolutely introducing this to Mai and Ty Lee,” said Zuko. “This is right up their alley.”</p>
<p>“Let’s bring them to our next game night. Maybe the other Kyoshi Warriors too,” Aang suggested. </p>
<p>“Yes, big Cards party next weekend! See if they’re free.” Toph agreed.</p>
<p>Suki nodded, and the guys headed out of the room to theirs right across the hall. </p>
<p>Cards never failed to bring out the crazy in her friends.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>heyo! this was just something really funny that a post on tumblr made me think about. hopefully this is somewhat funny and cute to read!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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